I feel bad for Milwaukee.
And I don’t mean that for the usual reasons like it’s reputation as Chicago’s scurvy, malnourished younger brother. Or that it smells like cabbage floating at the bottom of a beer keg tub.
I feel bad for Milwaukee because the Bucks haven’t been relevant in years. The last time Bucks had a truly great team, NBA players still had afros and wore coke-spoons around their neck. Women actually wanted to have sex with Three Dog Night.
Yeah, the Timberwolves have been lousy for most of our existence too, but at least we’ve been pretty steadily horrible. I’d much rather suck with a vengeance than be floating just below .500 year after year. It doesn’t hurt as much when you’ve given up hope.
All I can say is thank god we didn’t nuke the Russians back in the day, because the Soviets have been our saviors this season. Last night, Russian twink Alexey Shved scored 10 of his 16 points in the fourth quarter, leading us to a much needed win. This was on a night where the other half of the Russian Super-Friends, Andrei Kirilenko, was out for the second game in a row and Kevin Love almost missed the game due to a tummy-wummy ache in his belly-welly. Because of Shved’s late game heroics, we are now 7-8 and have the potential to have a decent record when Ricky Rubio returns in a few weeks.
I’m not the only one who may be overly excited about our playoff prospects. Those of you who watched the game on Fox Sports North may have noticed that they’ve been advertising the Target Center this year with the slogan “Watch the Timberwolves return a playoff atmosphere to the Target Center.” What a pussy-footed way of trying to create hype.
“Hey, hey, we never said they’d make the playoffs. We just said it’d be like a playoff atmosphere. You know, dim the lights, light some candles. Play some Jock Jams in the back. Eat a salad out of a halved basketball. Just a real nice playoff atmosphere.”
It was fascinating to watch them change their commercials depending on our laundry list of injuries each week:
“Watch Kevin Love, Andrei Kirilenko and Brandon Roy return a playoff atmosphere to the Target Center. Oh, wait. Watch Andrei Kirilenko, Chase Budinger and JJ Barea return a playoff atmosphere to the Target Center. Damnit, seriously? Okay, watch Rick Adelman, Pooh Richardson’s jersey and the winner of tonight’s raffle drawing return a playoff atmosphere to the Target Center!”
Instead of a playoff atmosphere, the Timberwolves have actually returned a will to live to the Target Center.
We’ll take it.