An Interview With Nikola Pekovic (@ New Orleans Hornets W 113-102)

Posted: 12/15/2012 in Uncategorized
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Photo from stuffpoint.com

Minnesota Timberwolves big man Nikola Pekovic had a career high 31 points last night against the New Orleans Hornets.  I caught up with the 6’11”, 290 lb Montenegro Mountain after the game and chatted with him about basketball, life and what it’s like being Non from Superman 2.

MB: So, Nikola…how does it feel to come in on a night where Kevin Love clearly struggled once again and have a career night?

NP: It….very….good.  Me…strong.

MB: Um…okay.  How do you feel about the Timberwolves chances for the playoffs?  You guys are currently in the 6th seed right now, but there’s still 3/4 of the season left to go.

NP:  Chance…feel…nice.  Ha!  I’m only kidding, of course.  Why does no one think I’m capable of stringing together multi-syllable words into a meaningful sentence? Not to sound supercilious, but I do have a degree in Bio-engineering, from the University of Montenegro.  Anyway, personally I do believe we are performing quite well this season.  We have truly over-achieved through bleak circumstances and once all our pieces fall back into place, we have a really stupendous chance to make a push in the playoffs.

MB: Oh, phew.  You really had me for a second there.  Anyway, you have a really gnarly tattoo of some kind of warrior on your arm.  What’s that all about?

NP:  Naturally, the cape represents the cloak of illusion that blankets us all from birth.  The shield is the ego, which we all use to cover ourselves from the real truth of existence.  The broadsword is the weapon we use to cut through the five disturbing human emotions as Buddha tells us in the Dharma.

MB:  Right.  That’s what I was thinking too.

NP:  Also, I just really like skulls.

Photo by Rocky Widner/NBAE via Getty Images

MB:  Wow, there really is more to you then I ever imagined.  I gotta be honest, I just thought you were a big, awesome brute.  But you’re really wise and sensitive.

NP:  Thank you.  Really, thank you.  You’ve no idea the relief that brings my heart.  Some nights I’ll stay up late reading Dostoevsky and listening to Gotye and wonder why nobody sees the true me.

MB:  Well, hopefully this interview will help shed some light on the real Nikola Pekovic.  But back to basketball.  Tonight you guys play the Dallas Mavericks.  How do you prepare yourself for a game like this?

NP:  The first thing I do is I imagine every single player on the opposing team dying a horrible, vicious death at my hands.  Sometimes I strangle them despondently with ice-cold gloves.  Sometimes I slowly dip them into a vat of acid and laugh as their eyes melt into gelatinous pools and their hair singes into nothingness.  Other times I make their hearts stop beating out of sheer fear of being next to me, while the angels above cry out of helplessness.  Then I imagine that I reanimate their pitiful bodies with my superior mind, not because I feel sympathy for their weak, desperate souls, but only so I can annihilate them again…on the basketball court.

MB: HA!  God, you’re so funny, Nikola!

NP:  *Stares unsmilingly*

MB:  Well….okay then.

NP:  *Does not respond or break eye contact*

MB:  Alright, I think that’s about enough for questions.  Good luck tonight Pek.

NP:  LUCK IS FOR CHILDREN AND CRYING DANDY MEN!!!

MB:  Okay, great.  Bye!  *runs out the door*

Tonight the Minnesota Timberwolves play the Dallas Mavericks at home.  Tune in to see Nikola Pekovic crush some dandy men.  Also, the return of RICKY RUBIO!

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