Yeah, “we.” Don’t give me any of this jibberjabber about how fans can’t say “we” when their team wins. Especially when you live in a cold-ass town like Minneapolis. And yeah, I get that I didn’t throw an alley-oop to Andrei Kirilenko on Saturday. I’m not a moron. And I didn’t dance the Oppan Gangnam Style for an hour for a Klondike Bar like that poor son of a bitch at the game. (Dude, you know those things cost like $2, right?) What I did do is sit through practically a decade of god-awful basketball to get here. I earned it. We all did.
I had 18th row seats to the game, which is the closest I’ve ever been without sneaking in. One of the weird things about being at a Timberwolves’ game is, you feel strangely out of touch. Ricky Rubio didn’t play last night because of back spasms, but the Target Center is a cave and gets crappy cell phone reception so I never found out until the third quarter. My friend and I kept theorizing about why Adelman wasn’t playing Rubio. “Do you think he’s sitting him the whole first half so he could play the entire second half? Is his beard not up to par?”
Saturday also marked the return of former Timberwolf Michael Beasley. He played ten minutes and shot 1-8 for two points. If I were B-Easy I’d be clipping coupons right now because his career ain’t looking so hot. Remember a few years back when the big debate was “Who should be the #1 draft pick: Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley?” That was a real thing. Today that makes about as much sense as “Would you rather receive an hour-long Swedish massage or have army ants crawl up your butt-crack?” Another former Wolf from last year, Wes Johnson, didn’t fare much better. He just sat there with his creepy Stepford Wife smile and zero minutes.
I actually feel bad for those guys. They got absolutely no fanfare on their first return to the Target Center. I feel like they deserved at least something, so I wrote them a haiku:
Oh, Wes and Beas
Maybe it’s time to try golf?
You’re not good at this
So that’s it for the Wolves for the rest of the year. We’ll see everybody again in 2013! Hopefully our Puppies will make a resolution to make their free throws and never get injured ever again.