Meet The New Timberwolves (Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel)

Posted: 01/22/2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

We got a sympathy player!!!

We actually had so many hurt players that the NBA left us sign a 16th player for an injury exception.  In addition to that, we also signed a legit for-realsies 15th player.  We are 1-1 with these noobs and they’ve actually shot 75% from the field.  Granted, that’s like ten shots total but screw it!  New blood!

So who are these mystery men and how long will they last?

Meet your new Timberwolves:

Mickael Gelabale

Mickael Gelabale

NAME: Mickael Gelabale

HEIGHT: 6’7″

WEIGHT: 215 lb.

POSITION: SF

NATIONALITY: French

LIKES: Balancing hats on his head like a thimble.

DISLIKES: When people call him Jellybelly.

Chris Johnson

Chris Johnson

NAME: Chris Johnson

HEIGHT: 6’11”

WEIGHT: 210 lb.

POSITION: C/PF

NATIONALITY: American (USA! USA! USA!)

LIKES: Refusing to look at cameras.

DISLIKES:  Being on a team for more than 10 days at a time.

When I saw that we were going to sign another European (and a French one at that) I thought “Oh, here we go…another white dude.”  But oh snap, he’s BLACK!  BOOM!  Throw in Chris Johnson and we just raised our black player ratio by 200%!  Granted, we just raised our PLAYER ratio by 400%.  Whatever.

Remember in the movie Jaws when all the shark attacks happened and the mayor and the rest of the town refused to acknowledge that it was happening because there was money to be made?  I feel like that’s the Timberwolves season right now.  Just switch “Oh, there’s no shark.  Keep swimming” to:

“Oh, they’re just a little injured.  Keep paying for tickets.  See, we got this French dude!  They’re totally known for being good at basketball.  And this other guy that’s bounced around the league like a beach ball at a stupid Phish concert.  Playoffs here we come!  Never mind what’s floating in the water there.  No that’s not Brandon Roy’s leg.  Of course that’s not Kevin Love’s hand.  Don’t be silly, that’s not Chase Budinger, that’s a clown wig.  How’d that get in there?!”

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