Hell yes, Greg Steimsma! If we’re going to throw this season away let’s at least make it entertaining! Check out these two Steamer scuffles from the same night:
FIGHT VIDEO #1: We all know Matt Barnes is a punk and a psychopath. He’s the kind of guy who’d stab you in the neck with a salad fork for cutting in line at Old Country Buffet. He’s definitely had a street name somewhere like “Booby” or “Captain Hepatitis” (I’m from Iowa, I’m not good at street stuff.)
Look at lil’ JJ Barea coming to the rescue! You get ’em, Mighty Mouse! Bite his nipples or poke him in the neck tattoo, if you can reach it. Also, I love Lamar Odom’s “I’m too old for this shit” stroll towards the fight. He could not have walked slower. He just yells “Hey!”, makes a lemonade and then meanders towards the melay, like a Southern grannie coming home from church. I guess when you spend that much time with the Kardashians it takes a whole lot to make you give a crap.
FIGHT VIDEO #2: Speaking of grannies, this time the Steamer is in the wrong as he throws AARP qualifier Grant Hill to the ground. Hill goes down like a sack of doilies and three Clippers converge on him. Once again, JJ Barea is the first Timberwolf to jump in and try to break it up. Caron Butler actually looks down for a split second like “Is that a tiny Puerto Rican on my arm?”
My favorite part of this is Steamer’s reaction. I know this move because I am also a big, clumsy emotional mule of a man. I’ll get all blustery and suddenly it’s “BRODY SMASH!” and next thing I know I’m being choked out by a giant black man. It happens! And I also do just what Steamer did and look away like something else is going on over yonder. “I’m going to die…oh hey, is that Prince? Happy place! Happy place! Is somebody stopping this yet?”
Tonight the Timberwolves play the Los Angeles Lakers in Minneapolis. The season has gotten to the point where I will be happy if we can just beat the Lakers and their stupid, pampered faces. I don’t advocate violence. But Steamer, if you can take out Kobe’s ACL and whisper in his ear “That’s for Ricky” I will protect you for life, like a 5’3″ Puerto Rican.