Well, the NBA trade deadline came and went and the Timberwolves sat on their damn dumb hands and did nothing. Come on! I need something more entertaining! This season totally blows. I need David Kahn to do something insane to keep it interesting, like get Paul Millsap in exchange for the entire Target Center.
“But David, where are we going to play?”
“Two words: Ice Palace. We will dominate the league unless somebody brings a bag of salt.”
I guess we need to keep Derrick Wiliams, because Kevin Love is out for most of the season. Brandon Roy would have been nice to get off the books since he’s really just taking up $5 million or so in contract. JJ would have been bad or good to see go, depending on which one we’re talking about. If it’s the one that destroyed the Oklahoma City Thunder earlier this year, then boo sad-face. If it’s the one that runs around in circles and thinks he’s a 7-footer, then adios Jose! Luke is the only guy who’s been there consistently for us all season without injuries. He’s like an old couch that’s full of rips, smells like your grandma and may have an old french dip somewhere in the cushion but you’ve had it for so long that you can’t stand to take it to Goodwill. Man, I hope nobody ever says that about me.
What concerns me is that by not making a trade, we didn’t clear up any salary space to sign Nikola Pekovic for what he’s worth this summer. He’s expressed interest in staying, but there’s now a semi-decent chance he could sign as a free agent with the Portland Trailblazers.
Pekovic, don’t go! Where else are you going to find a freezing cold place that feels just like your homeland of Montenegro?
Sigh. So this is it. This is the team we’re going to have for the rest of the year. Gimps, rejects and hobos. If only we were in the East! We beat Philly last night and they freaking suck. So do we, but they’re in the East so they are still in the playoff race. If we were in the East we would be 48-3 right now. The East consists of the Miami Heat, New York Knicks and 13 other teams full of off-season soccer players, retired mechanics and last year’s losers from Project Runway. The Charlotte Bobcats are actually just 12 holograms of 2-Pac that nobody’s noticed yet.
Next up, the Timberwolves play the Thunder in Oklahoma on Friday. That’s great! The third best record in the league against a team that’s excited just to not have an injury in the last week. They should let us have Russell Westbrook for the night just to make it interesting. Or make Kevin Durant play with his shoelaces tied together.
We’re going to get annihilated.