Well, the Academy Awards were last night.

You know it’s a depressing season when that’s my opening line.  This year’s Timberwolves feels more like the Razzies.

We lost again yesterday by one point to Golden State after leading most of the game.  If Minnesota were a movie, we’d be Water World.  Lots of money spent and a questionable Kevin.

If we’re going to be doling out awards, I’d like to give a few to the Timberwolves.  Welcome to the First Annual Tony Campbell Awards!

The Tony Campbell Award.  This is not the Tony Campbell from the Timberwolves but he's the only Tony Campbell I could find on Google holding an award.  Photo from beta.rider.edu

The Tony Campbell Award. I couldn’t find a photo of former Minnesota Timberwolf Tony Campbell holding an award so this Tony Campbell will have to do.  To excellence!  Photo from beta.rider.edu

Best Gimp:

And the Tony goes to Kevin Love for getting significantly injured not once, but twice in the same season.  When Love broke his hand doing knuckle push-ups/punching a wall, we thought the season was over.  But then, like Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects, he surprised everyone by shuffling his way back to the team before breaking it again by waving hi to his mom or not bracing himself against the wind or something.  Can he come back and break his hand a third time this season to complete the elusive hat-trick of pussy injuries?

Best Last Resort:

And the Tony goes to Luke Ridnour for not missing any long stretches of time this year.  Luke is the Kevin Bacon of basketball.  He’s nobody’s first choice, but he’ll do.

Best Extra:

Chris Johnson.  He’s actually just a former mannequin for Jack Sikma’s sport coat that they roll out to make the roster official.

"Um, Chris?  It's Family Night man, can you put some clothes on please?"  Photo from mannequinstore.com

“Um, Chris? It’s Family Night, can you put some clothes on please?” Photo from mannequinstore.com

Best Foreign Player:


Best Failed Lottery Pick:

Derrick Williams.  Derrick narrowly beat out Jonny Flynn, Corey Brewer and Wesley Johnson for this honor.  He was the #2 pick in the 2011 draft and I bet he would go at least in the second round of the 2013 draft.  For a Timberwolves pick, that’s amazing!

And finally, the Tony for most likely not to be here next year (i.e. The Michael Beasley Award) goes to:

Wow!  It’s a seven way tie between Derrick Williams, Greg Steimsma, Brandon Roy, Nikola Pekovic, Chris Johnson, JJ Barea and the entire Timberwolves fanbase.  The only guarantee for next year is that we will be called the Timberwolves and that putting the ball in the hoop is optional.

Next up we play one of the few teams with a more depressing future than us: the Suns in Phoenix.  Maybe a roving pack of havalinas will steal us all away and end the misery.

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