I missed last night’s game against the Phoenix Suns because stupid Comcast/Fox Sports North decided to give up and show hockey instead.  All I know is that we lost by one point in overtime.  Here’s how it went down in my head:

1st Quarter:

We started off strong.  Pekovic looks like a beast and debuts a new tattoo on his forehead of Wesley Johnson getting peed on by Arizona snow-bird senior citizens.  Ridnour made some shots that makes you feel like we should keep him forever.  Then Ridnour missed some shots that make you think we should trade him the first chance we get.

2nd Quarter:

Adelmann has to be restrained from hanging himself with Chris Johnson’s shoe-laces (Chris doesn’t need them) when we go down by 30 to the Suns.  Steimsma gets punched in the throat by Arizona senator John McCain when Steamer’s bright yellow hair reminded him of the flashlight the Vietcong shoved in his face in 1971.  Michael Beasley smokes a blunt on the bench and nobody notices.

3rd Quarter:

The Wolves have their best third quarter of the year and lose the period by 20 points.  A bored Kevin Love gives free coats to homeless people in Phoenix, who then burst into flames from the heat.  John McCain personally thanks him.  Brandon Roy successfully undergoes knee transplant surgery using the hide of a gila monster and his own nose.

4th Quarter:

The Wolves come roaring back to pull within a few points.  JJ Barea does a flip off of Luis Scola’s mullet and does 40 spins in the air while the ball bursts into flames and the backboard shatters.  Derrick Williams gets called for a charge against a statue of Steve Nash.  The Suns try their hardest to get Wesley Johnson a point but he misses all of his attempts.  With 1 second left, Pekovic calls Wesley’s name and purposely passes the ball to his opponent.  Wesley makes the shot from one foot and the fans storm the court.  Overtime!

NBA Jam Fire Dunk


The Timberwolves forget that the point of overtime is to score more than your opponent and lose while comparing surgery scars by the free throw line.

Was I far off?

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