Rumor has it that Flip Saunders could be the next GM of the Minnesota Timberwolves, replacing David Kahn this summer.

“Oh no,” many Timberwolves fans might gasp.  “Flip Saunders is an ineffective idiot with a dumb name and a stupid face!”

What?  Are you paying attention?  Forget the line about Flip Saunders.  Focus on the “replacing David Kahn” part.  Ding-dong, the worst GM in the history of the NBA is almost dead.  It’s pathetic that as Timberwolves fans we’ve been relegated to “lesser of the evils” scenarios, but anybody is better than David Kahn as GM.  Anybody.  Kwame Brown, Michael Jackson’s doctor, James Worthy’s prostitute, James Worthy’s prostitute’s doctor.  Anybody!

David Kahn called this man "Manna From Heaven."  Photo from

David Kahn called this man “Manna From Heaven.” Photo from

Flip wasn’t the best coach in the world.  But he was there for the golden Kevin Garnett years.  Maybe this is what it’s come to?  The Timberwolves are an old maid who passed on too many suitors as a young lass.  And now we’re middle-aged and flabby, calling old flames trying to rekindle past romances.

“Hey baby, remember when we went to the Western Conference Finals?  And then lost.  And then illegally signed Joe Smith and lost our draft picks for five years when we got caught?  That wasn’t so bad, was it?  I’m at the Super 8 by the off-track betting if you’re interested.  Bring some pull-tabs!”

All I care about at this point is that we get rid of David Kahn and we keep the team in Minnesota.  I can deal with everything else.  I can deal with 25 win seasons being our best in years.  I can live with Kevin Love leaving.  I’m okay with only arctic Inuits signing with us because everybody’s afraid of our winters.  The only thing I can’t stomach is the Seattle Timberwolves. 

We just lost to the Miami Heat, who have now won 15 in a row.  That’s neat.  Next up we play the Washington Wizards on Wednesday at home.  Only 25 games to go!

Make it stop.

  1. …almost anybody. Not Michael Jackson’s doctor. One thing I’ve never really talked to you about – I’m a nerd at following high profile court cases and he’s kind of a moron too. I’m waiting for your drunk text example that follows this voicemail. I like Love but care more about staying in MN too. Seattle needs to start their own team.

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