Kevin Love Game Winner

Kevin Love’s last minute buzzer beater against the Clips. (Ignore non-current Wolf Wayne Ellington in this picture.) Photo from jocksandstilettojill.com 

“Hey Mike Brody, that buzzer beater is from almost two years ago. Last night Kevin Love actually missed a point blank game-tying bunny at the buzzer. And we lost to the Clippers.”

See, that might seem true to you right now, but what you don’t realize is that I have a Minnesota Timberwolves time machine.  I actually went back in time and physically replaced November 2013 Clippers game Kevin Love with January 2012 Clippers game-winning shot Kevin Love and replaced them for the last ten seconds.  2012 Love made the shot and we won.  Then I swapped them back because 2012 Love wanted doughnuts.

While I was at it, I decided to go back further in the space/time vortex and create my own superteam, a la Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  It was a little awkward leaving Christian Laettner sitting there at the IDS Center Jamba Juice in 1994, but he made the Dream Team so screw that fratboy.

The All-Time Timberwolves team:

Starting PG: Ricky Rubio – “Change This Face…Be happy…Enjoy!” gets you on the all-time team.

Starting SG: Kevin Martin – Kevin is a brand new Wolf, but our second best shooting guard ever was Clyde Drexler, so it was an easy one.

Starting SF: Latrell Sprewell – Latrell helped take us to the 2004 WCF even though he couldn’t afford to feed his kids.  How selfless!

Starting PF: Kevin Love – I also went into the future and just so you know, Kevin Love will retire a Timberwolf.  In fact, he’ll be buried at 95 years old clutching his “I love Minnesota!” plateware set.

Starting C: Kevin Garnett – I know he was really a tall PF for us, but he played C for the Celtics too and can you just imagine the combo of Love and KG together?  It’d be like pizza made out of money that is also your chauffeur.

Bench:

Jonny Fynn – Just kidding.

Nikola Pekovic – He’s my all-time favorite Wolf, so I feel guilty about benching him.  But KG, dude.

Sam Cassell – Alien-headed clutch machine.

Sam Mitchell – The blue-collar work horse!  The very spirit of the Timberwolves!

Wally Gugliotta – I combined Wally Szczerbiak and Tom Gugliotta to conserve space. Meet the whitest player ever.

Tony Campbell – The OG.

JR Rider – The actual OG, even though the “Jailwolves” never really had a good ring to it.

Al Jefferson – Eh, why not?

In suits:

Joe Smith – So he can pay us back all the money he owes us.

Pooh Richardson – His name is Pooh.

Troy Hudson –  Just so he doesn’t have time to pursue his rap career.

Ballboy – Stephon Marbury

Ballboy’s assistant – David Kahn

Next up, we get revenge on the Cleveland Comic Sans.  Go Wolves!

Comments
  1. Mike Bryant says:

    Wally Gugliotta – I combined Wally Szczerbiak and Tom Gugliotta to conserve space. Meet the whitest player ever. HA HA HA!!!!!!

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