Grading The New Minnesota Timberwolves

Posted: 11/19/2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,
It's November, Corey. Put on a coat! Photo from

It’s November, Corey. Put on a coat! Kevin’s got some. Photo from

Hey, we’re 7-4!  Not bad!  And it’s not just the usual faces like Kevin Love, Ricky Rubio and Nikola Pekovic who are helping this time around.  We’ve got a handful of new additions on the Timberwolves this year.  Let’s see how they’ve stacked up:

Corey Brewer

PRO – He’s hit some much needed corner 3’s, leaks out the back for outlet passes from Kevin Love and has made some nice hustle/defensive plays.  And he has a nice smile.

CON – He’s balding a little prematurely.  Not sure what his opinions on the Orchestra strike are.


Gorgui Dieng

PRO – He can block a shot.

CON – He can also manage to foul out of a game during pre-game warm-ups.  Seriously, the dude just walks around hitting things and hopes it turns into a block.  But he’s young.


Robbie Hummel

PRO – He has the heart of a lion, after coming back from two, count ’em, two ACL injuries in college.

CON – He looks like he should be working concessions instead of playing pro ball.  Also, “Robbie” is a drug-dealer’s name, like “Traintrack Robbie” or “Robbie Bathsalts.”


Kevin Martin

PRO – Jesus has returned and his name is K-MART!  He’s everything we’ve needed at the shooting guard position.  Screw defense!  I LOVE KEVIN MARTIN!

CON – He has probably the weirdest looking shot since Bill Cartwright, but it goes in.  I wouldn’t care if he vomited blood and played the Insane Clown Posse from his ears, belly button and butt as long as the shot went in.

GRADE – A+++++++

Shabazz Muhammad

PRO – He has arms and legs.

CON – He has arms and legs.


A.J. Price

PRO – Who?

CON – Who?

GRADE – N/A – Because I’m not convinced he’s actually a Timberwolf.

Ronny Turiaf

PRO – A friend of mine who works at Jimmy John’s delivered to him in his fancy-pants apartment and he said that he tipped well, called him sir and was the nicest guy in the world.

CON – He’s from the Caribbean and February in Minnesota hasn’t hit yet.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on the nearest jet ski out of town once it does.


We’ve got a rough stretch of games coming up involving the Clippers, Nets, Rockets, Pacers, Nuggets, Mavs, Thunder and Spurs.  YIKES.   But first up we play the Wizards and the perennially “He’s going to be a superstar next year” John Wall.  We got this.  Go Wolves!

  1. bblaw1 says:

    some funny stuff here, agree with every rating.

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