Wolves Torch Nets, Jason Kidd Slowly Inches Towards The Fire Exit

Posted: 11/23/2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Well, this is awkward.

Current Nets coach Jason Kidd is one of the greatest point guards ever, a guaranteed future Hall of Famer and an NBA champion.  He is also possibly the worst coach in NBA history.  Like Toronto Mayor Rob Ford in a pole-vault contest bad. With the exception of Bill Russell, who was a player/coach, nobody has risen faster to the conductor’s stand than Kidd.  He literally had zero coaching experience before this year.  And unfortunately, it’s looking likely that he’ll be the first coach kicked to the curb this year, as well.

"Say, you guys wouldn't want to coach an NBA team for just a second, would you?  I'll be right back." Photo from assets.nydailynews.com

“Say, you guys wouldn’t want to coach an NBA team for just a second, would you? I’ll be right back.” Photo from assets.nydailynews.com

The Timberwolves played the Nets on Friday and ended up squashing them 111-81.  Nothing that Kidd tried worked.  His staring?  Did nothing.  His nervous pacing?  Didn’t even result in a basket.  His desperate pleas for acceptance and hugs?  Not reciprocated. For a second he thought the standing ovation for KG was for him, but then he sat down quietly whispering to himself “Hey, I know that guy. We’re friends. Somebody…help me.”

Look, everybody respects Jason Kidd as a player.  He was one of the best.  But just because Ron Jeremy was good at boinkin’, it doesn’t mean you want him directing you in bed, okay?  It’s super early in the season.  Maybe Brooklyn can get an annulment?  They can just mulligan the whole beginning of the season and pretend that this never happened.  And Jason Kidd can just get in his car, (provided there’s no bottles in it) and drive away into the non-coaching sunset.

Just make sure that Net’s owner Mikhail Prokhorov actually hires a real coach, instead of Kwame Brown or Prince or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV.  I understand bad decisions.  I live in a state that purposely elected Jesse Ventura.  But listen up, Brooklyn: You don’t hire a bartender who’s never had a drink.  Now go to your room and don’t come out until you’ve got George Karl.

Next up, the Wolves play Houston and that little bitch Dwight Howard.  All Pek has to do is punch him in the kidneys and tell him he’s not funny.  Go Wolves!

  1. José Eça de Queiroz says:

    I’d actually like to see Prince coaching the Nets…

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