Flip Saunders is acting like a jealous old girlfriend, spreading rumors and trying to piss everybody off in lieu of tonight’s Wolves/Cavs game.
Here’s what he had to say after practice on Monday about Kevin Love and Cleveland: “Minnesota people are pretty loyal. You turn on Minnesota, they don’t forgive you. So I think people probably appreciated him while he was here. But you leave under the terms that he did, just the way Minnesota people are, they’re not pretty forgiving along those lines.”
Dude. Flip. Do you even live in Minnesota? How do you not know how Minnesotans work? We don’t get outwardly mad at people. We get super pissed on the inside, push it way down into our bowels and then flog ourselves in a closet while staring at pictures of Kevin Love and LeBron James hugging. We’ll boo him, but it won’t be at a game. It’ll be three months later in the Macy’s Skyway. We won’t be able to fit into any swimsuits for our Jamaican vacation and it’ll be the straw that broke the loon’s back and we’ll shove the swimsuit over our head and scream “Damn you, Kevin Love! You ruined my waistline!” and cry and cry.
That’s how Minnesota works: Passive-aggressive denial, rage bubbling to the surface, shame, repeat.
I, for one, would like to end this cycle. As a Timberwolves fan and resident Minnesotan, I have decided to look at the man in the mirror and make that change. I have been working diligently on being just flat-out AGGRESSIVE-aggressive. When the Lakers were in town recently, I overhead a dude yelling at an employee at Target:
DUDE: Where are all your Lakers jerseys?
EMPLOYEE: I’m sorry, we don’t have any.
DUDE: What?! But the Lakers are national, man!
EMPLOYEE: We only carry Minnesota teams.
ME (Running by, pointing my fingers and yelling at full volume): FUCK THE LAKERS AND FUCK YOU! GO WOLVES!
DUDE: Not funny, man.
It felt good. So even though Flip is confused (especially since tonight’s Wolves/Cavs game is in CLEVELAND), I think we should try and fulfill the vision and drop the passive-aggressiveness. Let’s take it at Kevin Love when the game IS played here. Let’s burn Mike Love solo albums in the parking lot. Let’s steal coats from homeless people. Let’s start a GoFundMe, buy the Cleveland Cavaliers and only offer him a four-year contract worth Ricky Rubio’s jockstrap.
No more Minnesota nice. Let’s bring some Minnesota ice.
Also, they’re going to kill us. We suck really bad.