Wolves Lose To A Team That’s Trying To Lose

Posted: 12/04/2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Great Drunk Dirk Nowitzki, how did we lose to such a turdcan of a team?!  I could have pooled together 12 random people from the DMV and beaten the Sixers.  They were 0-17 coming in and possibly the most atrocious collaboration of humans since the Metallica/Lou Reed album.

Nobody even really knows who these guys are.  Who is this team and how could they possibly have beat anybody at all?  Let’s take a closer look at the 2014-15 Sixers line-up:

Point guard: Michael Carter-Williams –

He’s okay.

Philadelphia 76ers Media Day

Shooting guard: Anthony “Cracker Hands” Giavanni –

Tiny & violent.  Giavanni has recorded a league high 85 technicals from outbursts and attempted bribes.  His signature move is throwing a flask at the defense’s face and granny-shotting the ball into the stands.  Last seen running hooch on the corner of Hindenburg & Malarkey.

Al-Capone-9237536-2-402

Small forward: Hip-Hop, the 76ers mascot –

Hip-Hop is technically 95% blind in his rat costume and glasses, yet his trampoline dunk is incredibly difficult to block.

hiphopx500

Power forward: Burnie, the Miami Heat mascot –

Like most Heat fans, Burnie didn’t want to stick around after LeBron James left.

heat

Center: Nerlens “Narwhal” Noel –

While a great talent, Noel has missed the last five games after accidentally glueing his hands to his head.

Nerlens-Noel-Thaddeus-Young

Sixth man: A frightened, falling, elderly Paul McCartney –

paul-mccartney

This is the team that beat us.  It’s going to be a long rebuilding process.  Hopefully we’ll sign the Jazz mascot next year.  That thing looks like Teen Wolf.

Next up we play…ah, who cares.  We’re going to lose.

Comments
  1. bblaw1 says:

    very sad, I know wonder if 20 wins is out of the question. How bad of a season do they have to have for us to just shut the place down like Bane at the Superbowl? I understand the “next year” talk, but at the same time if they are just delivering swill why are we drinking the koolaid.

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