I am disproportionately excited about Kevin Garnett returning to Minnesota. My wife even told me she doesn’t think I was this happy on our wedding day. I had to take a Tylenol PM last night just to fall asleep before 4am.
People who don’t follow basketball or the Timberwolves just don’t get it. “What’s the big deal? He’s a shell of his former self. He’s 95. Why not sign Betty White’s mom too?” I don’t care if Kevin Garnett had dementia, progeria and lost both his arms and legs from diabetes. I would push him out there on a skateboard myself. Don’t you see? He came back to us. The greatest superstar in our history. The only superstar in our history. A giant with whom we slogged through 12 years of pain, triumph, loss and glory. Our identity. And he chose to come back. Because he loves us and we love him. We never stopped loving him. He’s the Prodigal Son returned. Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate!
I told you I was disproportionately excited.
Let’s get something out of the way here: KG is not going to average 25 and 12. He’s been playing 20 minutes a game for the Nets this year and averaging 6.8 points and 6.8 rebounds. Who knows if he’ll even play 2/3 of the remaining 30 games? That’s not what bringing Kevin Garnett back is about. The Big Ticket is all about the big picture. Here’s what Kevin Garnett will do for us now and in the future: He will provide much needed leadership and competitive nature in the locker room and the bench. He will help guide Andrew Wiggins into superstardom. He will yell at Anthony Bennett for eating gravy-covered, fried Twinkie pancakes during halftime. He will scare everybody into having pride. And then he will retire a Wolf, transition into a front office job and buy the team from Glen “Cosby Sweater” Taylor as a minority owner. He will be a fucking beast.
And he might just save our franchise.
No pressure, KG.
Next up we play the Phoenix Suns tonight at home. Garnett will NOT be joining the team in time for this game, so no need for me to show up at the Target Center in my full-size KG adult footsie. Yet.
Welcome back, Real Kevin.
GO WOLVES!!! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!