Archive for May, 2015

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“And with the #1 Pick in the NBA Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select…”

Those are words that have never been said. ¬†Officially. ¬†I’ve said them outloud. ¬†I said them 57 times yesterday. ¬†I’m saying them right now while throwing confetti and giggling to myself as I type this. ¬†Saying the Timberwolves have the #1 pick was about as much of a reality as pancakes being president.

Until yesterday.

Long live President Pancakes, because the MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES HAVE THE #1 PICK IN THE NBA DRAFT!

Who do we pick? ¬†Do we take Jahlil Okafor? ¬†Do we trade down and get D’Angelo Russell and another player? ¬†What about that weird Eastern European guy whose name sounds like Portishead? ¬†ARE YOU NUTS?! ¬†We take Karl-Anthony Towns ten times out of ten. If Karl-Anthony Towns loses a leg, decides that Royce White is his spiritual advisor and insists on dressing like George Washington¬†we STILL TAKE KARL-ANTHONY TOWNS! ¬†Why? ¬†I’m not Zach Lowe, but it’s pretty simple. ¬†There are two potential franchise big men in the draft. ¬†One is good at defense (Towns) and one guards the rim about as well as a Pomeranian guards a skyscraper (Okafor). ¬†We are bad at defense. ¬†Boom. ¬†Towns!

Also, there’s this:

You had me at the quotation mark.

You had me at quotation marks. ¬†Us Minnesotans are used to being shit on and snickered at. ¬†This dude, whether he means it or not, just said all the right things. ¬†He’s already fitting right in with Minnesotans. ¬†Be super polite at first, push your pain and hatred deep down and then explode in uncontrollable rage seven years down the line. ¬†THAT’S how we do it in Bunyon Town.

Now Flip just needs to draft the right player. ¬†Minnesota has never drafted the wrong player before, right? ¬†Who’s Steph Curry? ¬†Never heard of him.

See you all on June 25th for the draft!