I love Ricky Rubio, goddamnit.
Do you know who doesn’t like Ricky Rubio? People who don’t watch Minnesota Timberwolves games. People who tell the teacher when they forget to assign homework in school. And ISIS. Go on and get your info from lazy commentators and out of context stat sheets. Gregg Poppovich knows more about twerking than these people do about Ricky.
There’s a lot of misconceptions about Ricky Rubio. The most common one is that he can’t shoot. In past seasons, he’s looked as comfortable shooting as Mike Huckabee at a Lilith Fair concert. But on Wednesday he lit up the Lakers for a career high 28 points and 14 assists in a one point victory. None of the Lakers had an answer for him, because they weren’t expecting it. They’d have been less shocked if Jack Nicholson ripped off his sport coat to reveal a Minnesota jersey and yelled “I’ve always hated you, Kobe”.
Another thing people say is that Ricky can’t play defense. That’s like someone telling me I don’t walk like a duck. Look at his steals and look at my feet. Case closed, assholes.
And no one can say he’s not one of the most brilliant passers in the game. He’s like “Pistol” Pete Maravich mixed with John Stockton minus the nut-huggers. You never know when and where a pass is coming from. If I were a player I’d just stand there with my hands constantly open in case something comes my way. On a pick, on a fast break, during timeout, in the shower. There’d be some awkward moments but I’m not gonna be the guy who gets hit in the head with a basketball at Sneaky Pete’s.
Ricky’s a genuinely good person and he wants to win here. That’s why the world can shove the trade rumors up their ass. No true Minnesotan would ever want to part with Ricky. He’s as much a part of Minnesota as Jucy Lucys and smiling to people’s face then talking shit behind their backs.
There might be conventionally better players out there, but there’s only one Spanish Unicorn. Everybody say “NEEEEIGH!”
Next up we play the Nuggets in Denver with their illegally high town. Hopefully Adam Silver received my oxygen mask petition.