And We Hit Rock Bottom

Posted: 01/05/2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,


We just lost to the Sixers.  THE SIXERS!  A fricking squad possibly made up of two basketball players and a gaggle of Lacrosse rejects.  You know how people never count George Mikan as one of the top ten players of all-time because he practically played with peach baskets and definitely only played against rigid, dorky white men who never left the ground without a ladder?  The Sixers would lose to elderly George Mikan laying on his back.

And still they creamed us.  It’s like getting beat at Monopoly by your dog.  It shouldn’t even be possible.  I’ve been trying to keep it positive this year, but screw it.  I can’t take it anymore.  My Minnesotan passive-aggressiveness has reached full capacity and it’s nuclear meltdown time.

It’s time to fire Sam Mitchell’s sorry ass.

He sucks.  He sucks so bad.  He is the DeAndre Jordan free throw of coaches.  He is 85% of the reason why we are losing.  The other 15% is a combination of youth and Wiggins’ Canadian side thinking beating a team is too mean.  The only coach worse than Sam Mitchell is Byron Scott and I’m still not convinced they’re not the same person.  They’re both so antiquated, I wouldn’t be surprised if either of them starting telling their players to shoot granny-style.  If Sam Mitchell were a life coach he’d be telling people to sell their car, buy a pile of silver and stack it for safe-keeping in their mailbox.

Some people think we can’t fire an interim coach.  After all, he’s only the head coach because Flip Saunders passed away.  Interim coaches don’t often get fired.  Well, Popes don’t usually resign but Pope Darth Sidious did and look how shit turned out after that.  Is Sam Mitchell Catholic?  Can we implicate him in some shady priest relocations?  At this point, I’ll settle for any excuse.  He hasn’t seen “Hunger Games: Mockingjay”?  Fire him!

Fire Mitchell’s ass.  Do it in ways that he’ll understand.  How did people fire people 100 years ago?  Shit, send him a telegram.  He’ll think Randy Breur is finally returning his message.

Dear Sam Mitchell, STOP

You are fired. STOP

You are fired because you wouldn’t play the good players when it mattered.  STOP  You are fired because you run an offense that hasn’t been used since basketball shorts hugged players’ assholes. STOP  You are fired because you have the ego of a reality TV chef without any of the ideas or success.  STOP  You are fired because thinking Zach LaVine is a point guard is dumber than Zach LaVine himself.  STOP

Just stop.  STOP  That first stop was a real stop. STOP


Sincerely, STOP

Minnesota STOP

Next up we play the Denver Nuggets at home.  What does it matter?


  1. bblaw1 says:

    The 76ers was a bad loss but it has happened before , the big lead the game before was actually a worse game. The no energy in Detroit , for this young team was bad. It is all just bad. The wolves tweets are talking about numbers like when the big deal was a double double over a W. As for the solution, it may be Sam, but who is going to replace him? The owner knows a couple of people, so does it just mean the return of Kevin? Should ti really be: Sell the Team?

  2. Tom Baumgartner says:

    When a team gets worse as the season progresses without injuries, its coaching. End of story. He’s lost the team. The players have checked out. What’s left? Shabazz stops hustling? Garnett lights up a cigarette at the end of the bench? Cleveland game was proof positive he’s lost this team.

  3. Nicholas says:

    You are a disrespectful asshole with no real merit to the stuff you are saying. It’s obvious that you basketball IQ is too low and not even worth the counter argument to the hatred you have for this coach. That’s why this organization has been struggling. The keep getting more of the same lame duck coaching and won’t allow a good coach to come in and do what needs to be done. This man has proven to be a successful coach and previous players like Chris Bosh has credited his coaching to making them better players. Your comments are the ones that really pass a real basketball intellect off. Stay in your comedy lane. Your probably not that good at that either. Maybe we should boycott you and your job.

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