Well I’ll be damned. Glen Taylor can make good decisions after all. All it took was for him to pay someone else to make them. Mr. Peanut just hired some fancy-pants consulting firm, who I’ve never heard of but I know they’re fancy because someone told me they were, to vet and choose the next Wolves coach and president.
I’ve heard that when he’s not busy being a Magneto double, Taylor’s actually a really nice guy. But is this really the dude you want making basketball decisions for your team?
Do you realize what this means? This means someone who is good at decisions will be making them. My god! What’s that like? And he fired Mitchell! Taylor doesn’t fire his friends, he gives them bonuses for being stupid and then buys them a bathtub gin and a Model-T Ford. “Ah woo gah!”
So who’s going to be the replacement? There are a few candidates for the new Timberwolves coaching position:
- Tom Thibodeau – He’s a workhorse and he stresses defense, which is something we’re as familiar with as Mongolian literature. However, I recently talked to a retired Timberwolf who played with Thibs when he was an assistant for us and he called him “Dumb as shit.” That really has nothing to do with anything but it’s awesome.
- Scott Brooks – He kind of looks like Steve Kerr. Maybe that’ll translate into a 73 win season next year?
- Dave Joerger – Minnesota guy. That’s all it takes for Minnesotans to want someone around. Minnesotans would take Jerry Sandusky if he were from Maplewood.
- Jeff Van Gundy – Only if this happens every game.
- Mark Jackson – Eh, who needs a coach anyway?
That’s it for our season! We ended up with 29 wins, which is disappointing if Flip were still in the picture but really great considering he wasn’t. We have a potential top five lottery pick coming up this summer and the Target Center is getting renovated. I say this every year but NEXT YEAR WE’RE GOING TO BE AWESOME! See you next season when I come up with all the other excuses for why we still suck.