Archive for June, 2016

Steph Curry is arguably the greatest and most marketable player currently in the NBA.  And now Curry has something that neither LeBron or Durant have: his own pair of Baby Boomer tennies.

StephCurryShoes

The hottest shoes at Bingo Night.

Listen, I’m no fashion expert. ¬†I will go outside with a giant stain covering half of my shirt if my wife doesn’t stop me. ¬†But I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing these unless I was a narc trying to infiltrate a Paul Simon concert. ¬†These shoes should come with grass stains, because they are identical to the ones your dad wears when he mows the lawn. ¬†I’m pretty sure these come with a free phone clip to attach to your belt.

Brodystain

Just another day for Mike Brody

How insane is it that a 38-year-old white guy with zero taste can sit here making fun of an NBA star’s signature shoes? ¬† I’m convinced Under Armour had a warehouse shipping mistake and somewhere there’s a horde of Cocoon-aged¬†retirees learning to play tennis for the first time wearing neon purple designer pimp shoes. ¬†Did the guy who invented New Coke move into shoe design? ¬†If lactose-free unflavored yogurt were a shoe, these would be it.

They¬†should call these “The Matlocks”. ¬†Better yet, they should call these the “Dell Curry’s” because they resemble something Steph’s dad¬†would have worn¬†to file his taxes in 1988.

DellCurry

Steph’s dad’s shoes were cooler and he wore shorts up to his nuts.

I talked to 7’3″ retired NBA player Randy Breuer once. ¬†He said that Reebok gave him 100 pairs of size 18 Reebok¬†Pumps in 1989 and he still has most of them. ¬†He just wears a pair until they blow out and then puts on the next Bigfoot gurney. ¬†So it stands to reason that Curry will have 100 or so in his basement until 2090.

Here’s a couple things he can do to fix the situation:

  • Attempt to return them to Kohl’s
  • Donate them to crazy old man gum-mouth Steve Kerr.
  • Make sure that Klay Thompson’s new shoes are white Crocs.

And yet, he’ll still make more money off these then I will make in a lifetime.

New life-plan: Steal Steph Curry’s 100 sneakers and¬†sell them on Craigslist as George Mikan originals. ¬†Hello retirement!