Steph Curry is arguably the greatest and most marketable player currently in the NBA. And now Curry has something that neither LeBron or Durant have: his own pair of Baby Boomer tennies.
Listen, I’m no fashion expert. I will go outside with a giant stain covering half of my shirt if my wife doesn’t stop me. But I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing these unless I was a narc trying to infiltrate a Paul Simon concert. These shoes should come with grass stains, because they are identical to the ones your dad wears when he mows the lawn. I’m pretty sure these come with a free phone clip to attach to your belt.
How insane is it that a 38-year-old white guy with zero taste can sit here making fun of an NBA star’s signature shoes? I’m convinced Under Armour had a warehouse shipping mistake and somewhere there’s a horde of Cocoon-aged retirees learning to play tennis for the first time wearing neon purple designer pimp shoes. Did the guy who invented New Coke move into shoe design? If lactose-free unflavored yogurt were a shoe, these would be it.
They should call these “The Matlocks”. Better yet, they should call these the “Dell Curry’s” because they resemble something Steph’s dad would have worn to file his taxes in 1988.
I talked to 7’3″ retired NBA player Randy Breuer once. He said that Reebok gave him 100 pairs of size 18 Reebok Pumps in 1989 and he still has most of them. He just wears a pair until they blow out and then puts on the next Bigfoot gurney. So it stands to reason that Curry will have 100 or so in his basement until 2090.
Here’s a couple things he can do to fix the situation:
- Attempt to return them to Kohl’s
- Donate them to crazy old man gum-mouth Steve Kerr.
- Make sure that Klay Thompson’s new shoes are white Crocs.
And yet, he’ll still make more money off these then I will make in a lifetime.
New life-plan: Steal Steph Curry’s 100 sneakers and sell them on Craigslist as George Mikan originals. Hello retirement!