Posts Tagged ‘blog’

Nikola Pekovic – Photo from

Nikola Pekovic is my favorite Timberwolf.

He’s huge, he’s tough and he has a giant tattoo on his upper arm of a large cloaked warrior holding a broadsword that is crushing a pile of skulls.   I once mentioned on Facebook that only a 6’11”, 290 giant from Eastern European cold pull that tattoo off.  A stranger who had just friended me commented “Yeah, let’s hope he ‘pulls it off’ because that tattoo is lame-o.'”  Blocked!  You’d be better off insulting my kids in front of me than Big Pek.  (I don’t have any kids, but if I did I would force them…no, no, that’s wrong…encourage them to get the Pekovic tattoo in 6th grade as a way to fend off bullies.)

Honestly, I don’t get star-struck.  I’ve met a fair share of famous people and they usually just seem like regular human beings to me.

That said, if I met Pek I’d probably turn into a shaky-kneed little girl who just found out that One Direction is coming over for dinner.  I’ve already planned out what I’d do if I met him, where it would be and how many pictures/autographs I’d get.  (I’d scream and it would be in the the skyway.  One autograph and two pictures.)

Even a green-screen backdrop and a Crocodile Hunter hat can’t make Pek not look tough. Photo from

But dammnit, Pek, where the hell was your head last night?  His box score doesn’t look horrible at first glance.  He had a double-double with 11 points, 10 rebounds, two steals and a block.  But during a big stretch of the first half he fumbled, turned over and flat-out goofed everything up play after play.  He shot 5-13 and missed a handful of easy, gimme shots.  He looked horrible.

I’m not one of those people who thinks I can do better.  Yeah, I’m 6’5″ and 225.  But I’m shaped like a Weeble Wobble.  And I do fall down.  A lot.  I find it difficult to hold my arms in the air for more than three seconds at a time.  If my teeth get hit I get a headache and need to sit down for the rest of the day.  I am a pussy.  But when a professional athlete can’t do something that is supposed to be a given, it drives me insane.

And for Pek, that something is bunny shots.  He’s supposed to catch the ball and either pass it or take a shot that is preferably two inches from the rim.  But last night he couldn’t do either.  He looked like an Amish kid who just got tossed an Iphone.

Other noteworthy things from last night: Andrei Kirilenko didn’t play due to back spasms, which were apparently brought on by his horrible dragon back tattoo.  Derrick Williams threw down a thunderous one-handed dunk and then proceeded to play like an idiot for the rest of the game, Malcolm Lee showed some of his potential and Ricky Rubio was cleared for full-contact practice!!!

That is intensely positive news for the Timberwolves.  Everything changed last year after Rubio went down.  The air went out of the team, the fans, even Michael Beasley’s water-bong.  It does make me a little nervous, though.  I don’t want to rush him back only to have him crumble again like a fragile little Spanish Christmas ornament.  Cuidado, Ricky Rubio, cuidado.  Take your vitamins, stay away from Kobe Bryant and if a blue Robin Williams genie gives you some wishes, ask for three knees.

Photo from

Well, we have a losing record again.

It’s actually kind of comforting.  Like a pair of ratty sweat pants, it’s familiar and screams “I give up!”  Spill some mustard on it.  Who cares?  It’s not like you’re going anywhere.

Okay, I think I’m taking this a little too hard.  Nobody’s giving up just yet.  5-6 isn’t the end of the world.  As we all know, we still have a lot of injuries and that will correct itself.  Plus, it takes time to work your superstar back into the rotation.

But there is one giant elephant in the room that needs to be addressed: Michael Beasley 2.0.

Otherwise known as Derrick Williams.

Photo from

D-Will has played zero minutes the last two games.  NOT ONE minute.  And he’s not injured.  That’s the #2 pick in the 2011 draft we’re talking about here.  And LOU AMUNDSON played for crying out loud!  Dude looks like a NARC from 21 Jump Street.

Rick Adelman always seems to have one or two players that he’s not fond of and this year that player is clearly Williams.  It’s actually one of the many things I love about our coach.  He does not suffer bad playing and lousy attitudes.  If you aren’t helping, you sit.  End of story.  Barring the possibility that Adelman had a senior moment and simply forgot Williams existed for two games, I’d say that somebody’s in the dog house.  Or on the trading block.  Or both.

Should we trade him?  Yes, yes and yes.  There has been a much rumored deal for a while now about some kind of Pau Gasol for Williams-plus-someone deal.  I would love for that to happen.  Gasol still has a lot of juice in him and he’s boys with Ricky Rubio.  That’d give us two sets of Russian/Spaniard Super-Friends.  And each of those two groups would have one ugly person and one heart-throb, like an athletic Hall & Oates times two.  It’s perfect.  Except unfortunately Gasol would push our awkward white guy level to Defcon 5.  There’s only so many times we can say “We’re diverse!  We’re GLOBAL!” before it starts to get suspect.  (But quit calling JJ Barea white.  He’s Puerto Rican!  Yeah, he’d look completely at home at a Toby Keith concert but his name is JOSE!)

Derrick Williams has the potential to be a really good player.  I think he’s got tons of talent and most likely has a good future in the NBA as a third or maybe even second option.  He can jump through the roof and has flashes of brilliance.  But he plays the same position as the best power forward in the league and his key competitor for back-up minutes at the 4 (Dante Cunningham) has proven he has the heart of a lion.  Williams had all summer to learn how to play the 3 and seemingly either couldn’t or wouldn’t do it.

So how can Derrick Williams turn things around, get on Adelman’s good side and save his season?  I brainstormed for an hour and this is what I came up with:

Suggestion #1) Learn to play basketball better.

That’s all I’ve got.

Oh, so you were awesome in college?  Guess what, so was everybody else.  This is the NBA.  When I was in fifth grade I was a damn good saxophone player.  Some might even say the best at Jefferson Elementary.  Nobody could play the Batman theme or “We’re Not Going To Take It” by Twisted Sister better than me.  But then I moved on to middle school, and suddenly I wasn’t the best.  Kevin Deal (the LeBron James of early-90s northern Iowa middle-school saxophonists) was the undisputed king.  And do you know what I did?  I did what any self-respecting American would do:  I quit. I quit and then opted to throw M&Ms at the marching bands’ helmets from the bleachers during football games instead.

So shit or get off the pot, Derrick Williams.  We don’t need you.  Either be more of a team player and less of an inconsistent cry-baby, or start working on your estate sale.