Posts Tagged ‘free throws’

Kevin Love missed those free throws on purpose.  It was a political statement.

Ollie Hoosiers Free Throw 2

The first one was in solidarity with the missed opportunities of third world nations around the world.

Ollie Hoosiers Free Throw 1

The second one was a reminder that we build our love for each other day by day, brick by brick.

Ollie Hoosiers Free Throw 3

The third one he was actually supposed to miss, but somehow missed it wrong.  Um…for PETA?

He didn’t choke.  He’s Susan Sarandon.

Kevin Love Game Winner

The truth is, Kevin Love had an awesome game.  He’s the best PF in the league.  But it ended so, so badly.  It was like taking a long, refreshing pull of Antarctic spring water and then realizing that the last few drops were Dick Cheney’s microwaved butt sweat squeezed from his yoga pants by Kevin Durant.  The mood went from “YES!  WE’RE GOING TO WIN THIS!” to “At least we’ll still tie and go to overtime” to “God doesn’t exist and happiness is an illusion.”  You know, a Timberwolves game.

Perhaps Minnesota is a bit over-dramatic as a fan-base.  I’ve personally written off the season and then predicted a championship at least seven times each so far.  But with the only franchise player we’ve had in ten years threatening to leave if things don’t shape up, we can be excused for being a bit high-strung when things don’t go our way.  Which is all the time.  There’s only so many times that John Lennon can threaten to quit the Beatles before you throw Yellow Submarine against the wall and call Yoko a bitch.  Wings may have sucked but at least they all wanted to be there.

Next up, we play the sad and lonely Philadelphia 76ers.  A team so lousy and confused that they’re messing up tanking.  The bad news: They’re on a four game winning streak, all on the road, including one against a very good Portland Trailblazers.  The good news:  At least we’re not the Sixers.  Go Wolves!

1) Make Kevin Garnett forget he ever played for the Timberwolves

There’s got to be a way that we can wipe Garnett’s memory clean so he doesn’t destroy us every time he gets into the same gym as us.  I’m not suggesting we erase OUR memories of him.  Those Garnett years are special, special times for Timberwolves fans.  But if we can just Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind him somehow, or even lightly hit him with a shovel that’d be great.

2) Stop bitching after every call that doesn’t go your way

Kevin Love, I’m looking at you.  You’re not Tim Duncan yet, buddy.

These are the moments that remind me that he’s the nephew of evil Beach Boy Mike Love.  Yeah, he’s the best power forward in the league.  He works his ass off and he’s got an amazing career ahead of him.  But shut the fuck up out there, you whiny little teapot. He does get hacked a lot, but quit throwing your arms wide open like the singer of Creed and get back on defense.

3) MAKE YOUR FREE THROWS!

The Timberwolves shot 14-30 from the free throw line.  46.7%!

It’s inexcusable.  These guys get paid millions of dollars a year to play and they can’t even make more than half?  A drunken Shaquille O’Neal with his Kazaam pants pulled over his head could have done better.  Even I could have.  I have proof.  I kept the yearly stat sheet from the 1993-94 Mason City, IA, sophomore B-team and I shot 74.5%.  Boom!  (I also had short-pants that would’ve made John Stockton cringe.)

4) MAKE YOUR DAMN FREE THROWS!

5) THAT’S IT! NO FACIAL HAIR UNTIL YOU START MAKING YOUR SON-OF-A-BITCHING FREE THROWS!  (KIRILENKO, YOU HAVE TO SHAVE YOUR HOCKEY HAIR!)

All You Need Is Love – Photo posted on http://www.canishoopus.com by user E-6