Posts Tagged ‘kris dunn’

The Timberwolves currently have a bit of an issue at the point guard position.  Longtime fan-favorite/most-hated Timberwolf Ricky Rubio is clearly on the way out.  Personally, I love Rubio.  But like my non-existent hairline, sometimes it’s best to just realize there’s no saving things.  Kris Dunn appears to be Tom Thibodeau’s favorite for the future, which probably entails standing over his bed at night yelling “REST!  REST!!  NO NIGHTMARES!!!”  However, wee-little Tyus Jones is also coming on very strong.  What to do?

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Ricky Rubio, possibly heading back to Mypos. 

Since Rubio will surely be out of the picture no later than this summer, I’m going to analyze the pros and cons of Kris Dunn vs. Tyus Jones and try to figure out who is best suited to start.

KRIS DUNN

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Kris Dunn, while still at Providence, doing some kind of Licorice Whip or something?  I don’t know how kids dance these days. Photo from fxtribune.com

PROS

 

CONS

  • Those amazing ankle-breakers?  Well, he’s made like one of the shots that followed those.  That’s about as useful as doing a hand-stand on a car that’s driving into Lake Minnetonka.
  • He’s a rookie but is already almost 23, which makes him the oldest player on the Timberwolves. (Okay, not really, but kinda.  The Timberwolves probably couldn’t rent a car between the 12 of them.)
  • He’s the reason I am probably going to have to take my autographed Ricky Rubio poster and put it down in the basement next to the mouse traps and the giant painting of myself that I’m too embarrassed to display but am too egotistical to throw away.

 

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Somebody made it for me and I gave them $50, okay?  Shut up. 

TYUS JONES

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Tyus really needs to quit vaping. Photo from basketballpapers.com

PROS

  • One of the best shooters on the Timberwolves.  Did I make the prettiest girl at the meth clinic joke already?
  • Minnesota native like Bob Dylan, Kevin McHale and Tay Zonday.
  • Looks like a Furby.

 

CONS

  • Nikola Pekovic almost gets more playing time than him this year and Pek is somewhere in Montenegro right now laying on a couch drinking blood from a cauldron.
  • Minnesota native.  Nobody wants to criticize a hometown prodigy.  I’m from Iowa and we’ve had to pretend like we like Slipknot for like 20 years.  Nobody deserves that.
  • Has not returned any of my tweets asking if I can have his seat on the bench when he doesn’t play for 10 games straight.

 

In conclusion, we’re screwed.  Business as usual!

Next up we play the Suns in Phoenix.  They’re on a bit of a hot streak right now.  Here’s to hoping a wild herd of javelinas drags Eric Bledsoe off before the game.

GO WOLVES!

 

Things started off so well.  After a 20-3 lead in the first quarter against the Grizzlies, I all but anointed us the new superpower in the West.  We were going to topple the Golden State Warriors in the Western Conference Finals and then sweep the Cavs in a series that without doubt would make LeBron James start checking out homes in Plymouth next to Cole Aldrich’s duplex.  Karl-Anthony Towns was on his way to a 51 point night, Andrew Wiggins would become meaner than KG at Carmelo and La La Anthony’s anniversary party and Kris Dunn and Ricky Rubio would sign a blood pact to work together forever and have 100 assists per game until 2030.

Then we got Wolvesy.

Towns stopped scoring, Wiggins missed free throws that a real mean person would have made and Ricky’s shot almost missed the backboard, which is actually a slight improvement for him.  Did I miss the memo about the Grizzlies hitting threes all of a sudden?  The Grizzlies don’t shoot threes!  That’s like Bowser suddenly being the fastest accelerator in Mario Kart.  These are not the rules we agreed upon!  Bowser’s fat ass takes forever to get going, nobody gets to be Odd Job in Goldeneye and the Memphis Grizzlies are plodding, bulbous sea-cows who don’t hit anything out of bean bag toss range.

We got cocky.  And that’s Minnesota Karma Punishment 101.  We don’t get arrogant in Minnesota.  We bundle up, plug in our Vitamin D lights so we don’t get seasonal depression and imagine that everything horrible that could happen will, because it usually does.  I once wore shorts on an unseasonably warm day in April and then it stayed cold until the first week of June and it’s ALL MY FAULT.

So now we have our attitude readjusted to proper Upper Midwest standards.  We are going to be good, but damnit we haven’t earned the swagger yet and we paid for it against the Grizzlies.  Remember Kevin Love?  He was a miserable bastard who hated every second of his life here and we won 40 games his last season!  That’s like being undefeated by Timberwolves standards.  I recommend that all Wolves players not properly familiar with the Minnesota mindset recite this to themselves every night before bed:  “We don’t deserve to win.  We are the Brooklyn Nets with less hope.  We are the Philadelphia Sixers if they were dumb enough to think they were a real basketball team.  The Washington Generals have a better chance of beating the Globetrotters than we do of making two shots in a row.  We should really just stick to what we’re good at, which is convincing ourselves that living in a tundra is normal and not talking to people unless we’ve known them for 15 years.”

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Nemanja Bjelica demonstrating the proper way to act in Minnesota.  Also, did you know that Bjelica has a first name?  It’s pronounced “Noot-Bot”.

That ought to appease the karma gods.  81-1 here we come!

Saturday night we play the Kings in Sacramento.  We’ll probably lose to them because they are the most dysfunctional team in the NBA and we are horrible people who deserve everything that’s coming to us.

Go Wolves!