Posts Tagged ‘lottery pick’

Suck it, NBA!¬† We’re 21-37 now.

Booyah!

That’s 21 teams now that have succumbed to the Minnesota Timberwolves’ mad skills.¬† 21 dreams scorched and ruined.¬† 21 teams, with 12 players each.¬† That’s 252 souls sent to the dark depths of Sheol to spend eternity as paper-thin waifs thanks to us.¬† Some of those 21 teams were the same teams again, but that’s when their souls clawed back up to earth and we kicked them back down again.¬† Kiss the sole of our Hakeem Olajuwons, playa.

Hakeem was a fan of Grain Belt.  Photo from kicksoncards.tumblr.com

K-Mart’s finest foot apparel. (Hakeem was a fan of Grain Belt.) Photo from kicksoncards.tumblr.com

I feel sorry for the scrap-heap of teams with worse records than us.¬† What’s it like to SUCK, Cleveland, Phoenix, New Orleans, Sacramento, Washington, Orlando and Charlotte?¬† We wouldn’t know.¬† We have the 23rd best record in the league out of 30.¬† Top 25%, bitches!¬† If the top were actually the bottom.

All the other NBA teams are whack.¬† You think you’re going to bring that weak layup in here?¬† GREG STEIMSMA IN YOUR FACE!¬†¬† He just fouled out in two minutes flat.¬† Ohhhhh yeah, Steamer!¬† Is that your head spinning?¬† Because JJ Barea is running circles in the paint and giving every center over 6’7″ five blocks a game.¬† Daaaammmmnn!¬† Check out the highlight reel of Derrick Williams doing so many pump fakes that he forgets to even shoot the ball!¬† Cock-a-doodle-doo!

And the teams we WILL play?¬† They just sit at home and drink Arnie Palmers with their Grandmas and try not to think about how they’re going to get decimated by a mid-level D-League team.

21 teams annihilated.

And 37 that got lucky.

Get them before they're gone!  Photo from canishoopus.com

Get them before they’re gone! Photo from canishoopus.com