The Timberwolves currently have a bit of an issue at the point guard position. Longtime fan-favorite/most-hated Timberwolf Ricky Rubio is clearly on the way out. Personally, I love Rubio. But like my non-existent hairline, sometimes it’s best to just realize there’s no saving things. Kris Dunn appears to be Tom Thibodeau’s favorite for the future, which probably entails standing over his bed at night yelling “REST! REST!! NO NIGHTMARES!!!” However, wee-little Tyus Jones is also coming on very strong. What to do?
Since Rubio will surely be out of the picture no later than this summer, I’m going to analyze the pros and cons of Kris Dunn vs. Tyus Jones and try to figure out who is best suited to start.
- Amazing handles – Dunn has broken more ankles during his short career than the Red Hat Society’s downhill skiing trip.
- One of the best defensive players on our team (which is like being the prettiest girl at the meth clinic – oops, this is a pros list.)
- He makes being stranded on a desolate highway ramp outside of Minneapolis look cool.
- Those amazing ankle-breakers? Well, he’s made like one of the shots that followed those. That’s about as useful as doing a hand-stand on a car that’s driving into Lake Minnetonka.
- He’s a rookie but is already almost 23, which makes him the oldest player on the Timberwolves. (Okay, not really, but kinda. The Timberwolves probably couldn’t rent a car between the 12 of them.)
- He’s the reason I am probably going to have to take my autographed Ricky Rubio poster and put it down in the basement next to the mouse traps and the giant painting of myself that I’m too embarrassed to display but am too egotistical to throw away.
- One of the best shooters on the Timberwolves. Did I make the prettiest girl at the meth clinic joke already?
- Minnesota native like Bob Dylan, Kevin McHale and Tay Zonday.
- Looks like a Furby.
- Nikola Pekovic almost gets more playing time than him this year and Pek is somewhere in Montenegro right now laying on a couch drinking blood from a cauldron.
- Minnesota native. Nobody wants to criticize a hometown prodigy. I’m from Iowa and we’ve had to pretend like we like Slipknot for like 20 years. Nobody deserves that.
- Has not returned any of my tweets asking if I can have his seat on the bench when he doesn’t play for 10 games straight.
In conclusion, we’re screwed. Business as usual!
Next up we play the Suns in Phoenix. They’re on a bit of a hot streak right now. Here’s to hoping a wild herd of javelinas drags Eric Bledsoe off before the game.