There are two thoughts that always give me comfort:
One: That there are still current NBA players older than me. (God bless you, Steve Nash.)
Two: That I’m less fat than Anthony Bennett.
Well damnit, AB screwed it all up and got into shape. What am I supposed to do now?! Soon Nash will retire to Canada and his $20,000,000 maple tree mansion and I’ll just be old and floppy. Can we force Oliver Miller out of retirement? Thanks Tony, now I can’t eat these Gummy Bear pancakes just because you decided to fulfill your potential.
However, if last night is any indication of how AB’s destiny is going to pan out, we’re in good shape ourselves. Bennett scored 13 points and grabbed eight rebounds in just under 25 minutes of play in his Timberwolves preseason debut. He threw down a couple thunderous dunks, had a killer spin move and did not once try and order a mashed potato pizza or eat JJ Barea. (We would have allowed it.)
I wouldn’t be a true Minnesotan if doubt and pessimism didn’t creep back in. This is only one preseason game. People get lucky. I’m sure Kwame Brown has had accidentally good games before. Human Ent Manute Bol once hit six three pointers in a one half. I won $100 in a Cap’n Crunch box in 6th grade (and spent it on a basketball, a Bell Biv Devoe tape, a Risk board game that I played by myself because I had no friends and the rest on Twix candy bars. I haven’t won a damn thing since.) And after all, we were playing the lowly 76ers without Joel Embiid, Noel Nerlens and Michael Carter-Williams, which officially puts them at 7th grade recess level, if the kids had never played basketball before and were all napping.
But screw it! This is the season of unfamiliar optimism. We have no players pushing their way out (knock on wood, knock on wood), our bench is actually way better than last year, we have potentially limitless Rubioops to Andrew Wiggins and Anthony Bennett is currently not strapped to a custard/jelly donut dialysis machine. He may not be the next Karl Malone, but he might just live up to that #1 pick status after all.
AH SHIT! I can’t write an article and not be pissy about something! It feels so weird! I hate JJ! My taco doesn’t have enough sauce! Glen Taylor hates puppies and thinks that Croatians aren’t people! Phew, that’s better. Now I’m ready to watch a Timberwolves season.